Gmail is now blocked from our office computers as it consumes toomuch bandwidth, so it was not until I arrived back at my abode I foundthe ridiculous email being circulated entitled 50 things girls need toknow about guys..A veritable laundry list about whatsecretly,sensitive touch feely types men really are, who could neversurvive without the aid of a woman.I was so inspired by this genderblending pyscho-babble, I decided to share my true feelings and listmy own version of things women need to know. Being male and able tostate a point without useless verbage, heres the 25,down from 50,things women really need to know:
1. be naked often
2. bring scotch
3. make sure its the right brand
4. no talking during the game unless its a request for wild sex
5.I dont want to know your friends.
6. my friends dont like you but I dont care as long as you zealously practice #1
7. You re still not coming with us when we go drinking.
8. Inviting me to one of your family gatherings is an invitation todisaster..unless they are all literate drunks as well
9.No, I dont think I drink too much.
10. If you dont like the fact that I smoke, the door is at the bottomof the stairs. Please give your key to the next girl
11.If you hear me talking about margin calls the proper response is tostrip and make me a drink.
12. same with getting kings cracked by aces.
13. I dont care if your mother likes me..in fact I d prefer she didnt.
14.Yes, you look fat in that dress..take it off and get over here.
15.do not put light beer in my refrigerator
16.If Im hungover..you re on top
17.there is no such thing as too much sex.they dont wear out ya know.
18. Acording to the actuarial tables, I only have around 11,315 moredays to go.Why are you still dressed?
19.Please do not invite your sister and her newbaptist/mormon/temperance union founder over for dinner.It wll not endwell no matter how nice a guy he is.
20.Yes, I really bet the house.get busy packing would you.
21.Oral sex is not yucky or for special occasions. It is mandatory and now would be a good time to start.
22.Yes, in fact I am having another drink.
23.When my friends call drunk at 2am, I am going to answer it. I do itto them all the time.
24.If you suffer from PMS,please go visit friends until it passes
.25.The proper way to discuss your feelings and our relationship is to be nude and proffer a drink before commencing.That way I can stare atyour nether parts and drink enogh to drown out your whining.