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Thursday, May 04, 2006

the alphabet of happiness

A is for alcohol, the cause of and solution to most of our problems
B. is for books..or broads..or booze. all three necessary for life
c is for coffee. how the hell do you think I maintain this pace?
d is for divorce,the best although most expensive way to correct all those little mistakes one tends to make while drunkenly standing in front of an altar
e is for excess
f is for..well we all know what f is it often
g is for gin naturally
h is for horseracing. bet on them and everything else you can as often as possible
i is for imbibe
j is juniper berries, the key ingredient to gin
k is for knowledge, gain lots of it as it pisses everyone else off
L surely not love as that causes more unhappiness than anything else I can think of.lets make it libido ot lust..
m is for music. note music not that rap crap that is passed off as music
n is for numbers. understand these and everything else starts to make a lot more sense.of course it also stands for napalm, very handy for ridding ones self of pesky enemies and spouses
o to be yelled loudly followed by phrases such as yes, god and whats your name again while indulging in F
p is for poker, porno, and that which men spend all of their time and resources pursuing
q is for is after all
s sex (Didnt see that one coming did you?) sports,scotch and stocks
t tonic. goes well with g
u is for uncommon. be this always
v is for vasectomy. one of my favorite little surgeries
w is for wine. drink with meals, after meals, whenever. just drink it
x try not to have too many of these.they are expensive
y is yesterday. forget about it its over. lots of G and f can assist in this task ll need a lot of naps to keep up this level

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