Monday, October 22, 2007
note to a friend dealing with fear
I wish I could help you with this but ,unfortunately we must each deal with and face fear in our own way. There have been a lot of studies that show that most humans are more motivated by fear of loss than by possibility of gain. I find this interesting and think it in large part accounts for the state that thoreau calls quiet desperation. Everyone gets afraid. Including me. Every time I lever up my account to put on a big trade, push all in a poker game, sign a new contract or look into a womans dancing sparkling eyes and realize that not only am I strongly attracted to this woman,that we have so much in common we could be best friends as well as lovers, and just enough differences to keep it interesting, I get that pinch of fear that runs up the spine and makes the stomach flip like a circus bear on steroids. The mind calls up images of times in the past when the when result was not so good. I have gone broke from bad trades and I have been heartbroken. And guess what? I didnt die. It sucked but it didnt last.
I try at such times to focus on the fact that most of the trades have worked to the point that I can live comfortably and afford all my wonderful bad habits and addictions, keeping the book shelf full and the liquor cabinet stocked. I think of all the nights and times of wonderful experiences I never would have had if I had not taken the leap of faith in myself and the romantic nature of the universe. The biggest question is to figure out the probabilities of success and focus on that. If I have a 7-2 unsuited I should probably fold the hand. If the numbers are wrong in any way I should probably forgo the trade. If the woman is not literate,not adventurous,not sensual or romantic I should probably walk..or perhaps run...away. But if the odds are in my favor, and conditions exist for profit be it monetary or just perhaps the anticipation of nights dancing to blues bands under the stars, of quite nights of good food, wine, conversation and intimate moments and thoughts....then fear needs to be pushed aside.
To allow fear of loss, of death, or heartbreak is to lose our ability to live. I would rather die broke and heartbroken in the gutter than to fail to embrace all the incredible possibilities some benevolent deity scattered in front of us....
or to put it more succinctly